im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
