I want to have your abortion
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
