just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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