Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
