I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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