slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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