Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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