After last night, I could never be a politician.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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