She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
