Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
