I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
