I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
