It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Oh god it's open bar.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
