I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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