i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
