i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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