I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
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