He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
