If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
