I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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