then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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