There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
