Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
And then he peed in my hair
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