so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
