Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
