Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
