Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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