what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
