so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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