I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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