you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
