I need help removing her.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
