you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
