oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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