so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
