You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
