i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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