the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
