It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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