she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize