if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
