the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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