Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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