do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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