Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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