every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
