Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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