Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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