he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
