took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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