In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
