my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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