I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
