The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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