Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
