i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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