It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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