i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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