fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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