Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
