The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
