We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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