I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
