Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
