I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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