I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
