I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
