i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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