So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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