its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
