It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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